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Weekly Tip: Help! My partner feels like a Spanish widow/er! Part 2

Posted on August 24, 2018 · Posted in Pura Buena Onda Blog

Weekly Tip: Help! My partner feels like a Spanish widow/er! Part 2

 

Last week we talked about how some of our partners feel left out and almost abandoned by our dedication to learning Spanish. We also spoke about one student in particular. Here is a recap:

I spoke to a student this week who has a Spanish immersion trip coming up. She told me that she was excited about improving her Spanish, but not looking forward to the trip as much as she would like. When I asked why, she said it was because her husband was not taking it very well that she would be gone for three weeks without him, as they usually do everything together. Since she wanted her entire focus to be on Spanish, she prefers to do this trip on her own.

 

I asked you all for suggestions, and you came through (in both languages I might add)! Here is what everyone said:

 

Plan a trip to a spanish speaking country with you partner. He/she will get to enjoy the fruits of all your hard work. They can sit back and let you be the translator.
Include them in the learning process. Teach them a little here and there and maybe it will spark an interest in them to learn as well.
The partner could use that time to spend on a hobby of their own, and if it works, maybe both partners can work on their separate hobbies together, so they are still spending time with each other.
You need to talk about this in depth and hopefully with a therapist/counselor because it isn’t fair and will only build resentment over time. All spouses need to have their own hobbies, passions or separate things to do away from the marriage and their spouse. No one likes to be deprived of doing things that make them feel fulfilled. (All things within reason & things that shouldn’t jeopardize your personal relationship). I believe that it takes 2 independent people to make a good marriage.
Get a new partner (maybe a bit dramatic…)
Embrace their ‘hobby’ or passion.
My friends feel abandoned by my Spanish obsession more often than my spouse. The above comments have helped. I met with a friend and brought my flash cards and we had a blast! Now she’s considering learning Spanish. My husband gets annoyed when I speak (practice) Spanish at him. I understand, so I pick simple phrases and I translate them (notice I didn’t say I stopped doing it). The other day he sat down with me while I was watching a show in Spanish and he translated something they said! Involve your friends, family, and significant other but don’t forget they may tire of hearing about your Spanish struggles (for a while that was ALL I could talk about) so be sure to listen to what is going on with them too.
Stress the importance of how much it means to you- a partner should be supportive of your dreams, not hindering. You work on things together, you support each other’s goals (whether you agree with them or not), and grow together!
Ask them to quiz you. My husband is learning a little just from testing my vocabulary
Reserve time for you and your partner to spend with each other, like date night or movie night, especially prior to a solo trip.
Try and find a time to study that doesn’t conflict with “together” time. If you are going on a trip without your spouse plan a couple trip at a later date so you have some time to reconnect.
Sugiero que ese estudiante tratar de incluir su esposo en algunas actividades alrededor su español. Si ellos puedan hacer cosas juntas en ambos sus pasatiempos, ambos van a entender más el interés de el uno de otro. Buena suerte!
Afortunadamente mi esposo es muy comprensivo y no le molesta cuando hago cosas para practicar español. Mi esposo ha visto mi progreso en dos años y piensa que es un buen ejemplo para nuestros hijos.
Cuando empecé aprender español, mi esposo hizo bromas de mi acento (a su crédito, mi acento era muy güera) pero ahora, después de 2.5 años, pienso que se da cuenta de la mejora. Él es de apoyo de mis viajes, classes y eventos en español sin él.
Mi esposo es muy propicio y feliz a me ver aprendiendo español. Ocasionalmente me ayudo práctica. Pero, si quería ir a una largo vacaciones sin que él, you pienso que se pondrá triste y extrañar.
Personalmente, me gustan todas tus sugerencias. Como terapeuta matrimonial y familiar, si una pareja tiene problemas de codependencia, primero debe resolver los problemas. Si no resuelven sus problemas de codependencia, no serán felices, sin importar lo que hagan.
No esposo, no hijos, no problemas! Estoy bromeando. 😉 Mi consejo es reservar tiempo durante cada semana para estar con su esposo (por ejemplo una “noche de cita” los viernes). También crear un horario de estudiar y compartir con él. Si él sabe que las mañanas de martes son para estudiar y hay una clase los jueves en la tarde, ojalá él puede hacer sus propios pasatiempos durante esas horas y ya no se siente excluido.
Este problem está difícil y como gastar tiempo con su pareja está complicado a veces. Soy fortunable que mi prometida puede hablar español, pero a veces me siento mal que estoy en clase dos o más tiempos cada semana. Nosotros hubimos este preoccupacion y por nosotros la cosa más importante es que nosotros siéntenos qué hay otras cosa que pudimos compartir. Hablando honestamente es la clave.
Mi esposo es casi igual. A él no le gusta cuando yo viajo sin él . entonces trato de ir a viajes por menos tiempo, como uno o dos días solamente.
Mi esposo es muy comprensivo. El comprende lo importante a me apprender espanol.
Soy sola y no pareja. No sería una buena persona para dar consejos sobre esto. Soy muy independiente y hago lo que necesito para mi vida.
Yo opino que las parejas necesitan que apoyarte con sus metas- incluyo si no les gusta. Dile que como parejas, se apoyan, se creen y crecen uno con el otro.
Siento que es importante profundizar y averiguar cuál es la raíz de lo que está molestando a esta pareja simplemente preguntando. A continuación, averiguar qué pasos hay que tomar para aliviar los temores de este socio una ansiedad sobre el viaje. Al final esto podría convertirse en una increíble oportunidad de construir una relación.

 

There you have it! There are tons of different approaches to resolving this issue, per the responses above. I hope that one of these helps our student!

 

Have you ever experienced this with your partner? Either that he/she had an issue with your hobby or vice-versa?

 

Besos,
Caro